By Lyz Hart, NLC
The Impact of Unexpected Change and Trauma
Life has a way of coming at us fast, in the mere blink of an eye, everything we know can be radically altered. These moments can be filled with joy, surprise, celebration, and love, or like many of us have experienced, these life-altering moments blindside us with pain, fear, loss, and devastation. Like a fragile vase being thrown off the table and shattered into a million pieces, our sense of self, of wholeness has been knocked off its solid foundation. We find ourselves dazed and confused, stumbling through our lives in the wake of destruction, scouring the rubble for signs of the life we once knew, leaving us overwhelmed and wondering how we can possibly rebuild after suffering the unthinkable.
If there is anything we can learn from human history is that we have long endured the inherent tragedies of life and despite all odds, we found a way through, a reason to keep going, to keep surviving. As biological beings we are wired to adapt and survive, to preserve life at all costs. Often when we are stuck in survival mode, our brains and our bodies are simply doing their best to stay alive, we become hypervigilant to our surroundings to attempt to thwart any future danger, we dissociate and numb ourselves with substances and stimuli because this is the only way we can feel safe in our body. Surviving depletes us of energy and keeps us from our authentic selves. How do we do it then? How do we not just merely survive but grow and thrive?
Learning To Thrive Instead of Merely Survive
In the recent decades as research on trauma and its impact on our mind, body and spirit have made its way to the forefront of counseling psychology it has also opened up curiosity around resilience and healing. From this curiosity has emerged new insights on what researchers have termed Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). Post-traumatic growth refers to the positive psychological changes that are experienced as a result of challenging and adverse circumstances.
Researchers have thus identified 5 domains that signal post-traumatic growth
Greater appreciation for life
Strengthening of close relationships
Personal strength
Identification of new possibilities
Deeper spiritual development and/or sense of meaning
Changes and developments in these areas let us know that we are growing and evolving to connect with ourselves and the world in a more meaningful way. When we are seized by our past and our trauma these themes may feel like lofty goals or impossible feats but one step at a time we move forward. This process of picking up the pieces speaks to the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi which involves the fixing of cracked or damaged pottery. Rather than discarding the damaged piece artists use lacquer combined with gold and silver to mend the pieces back together, creating a new, beautiful work of art. Kintsugi art reminds us that our damage does not define us and that wholeness is not synonymous with perfection.
Resiliency and Post-Traumatic Growth
An important distinction here is that resiliency tends to refer to the ability to move forward after a traumatic event while PTG encapsulates the positive adaptive outcomes beyond pre-trauma functioning. Continuing with the image of the broken vessel, resiliency is like being able to pick up all the pieces and carry them around with you, but PTG is the art of filling in those cracks with gold and building something new. When we think of gold we think of a rare, precious metal that is not easy to come by but as we sift through the wreckage of our past we find “nuggets” in places we least expect. We uncover our strengths, our courage, our softness, and our creativity, bringing us a newfound sense of purpose and belonging. This art of repair allows us to exercise our autonomy and agency as we get to decide how we want the pieces to come back together, and decide what works best in our lives to hold the pieces together. We move from being survivors to becoming creators.
Journaling Exercises for Growth Reflection
Here are some helpful journaling prompts to help you reflect on your own growth.
Write down five statements for each category and reflect on your answers.
I CAN…
· What are your strengths? How do they support you in your healing process?
· What qualities to you appreciate about yourself?
· When do you feel accomplished? What does accomplishment feel like to you?
I CONNECT…
· Who or what in your life makes you feel connected?
· What does intimacy look/feel like to you?
· How do I know I feel connected to myself or the world?
I AM THANKFUL…
What or who has helped me through my most difficult times?
How do I make gratitude a practice in my life?
What in my life do I value and how do I show appreciation for what I value?
I DREAM….
What do I hope for in the future? How do I imagine myself and my life moving forward?
What opportunities are available to me at this moment?
What do I need to make my dreams a reality?
I ACCEPT…
What do mindfulness and acceptance look like in my life.
What am I holding onto that no longer serves me?
What am I aware of now that I wasn’t before?
Our therapists at Evolve In Nature are well equipped to support you in healing from trauma. It is not always an easy path, but the gift on the other side of post-traumatic growth is peace and freedom from the suffering of the past, and confidence in effective skills to adapt to future unexpected change. If you would like support in your life in this way, please reach out to our therapists by clicking here.