By Lenni Ferren, NLC
Our sympathetic nervous system is the part of our nervous system that mobilizes us into action. If our nervous system detects a threat, whether it is real or perceived, it will trigger our fight/flight/freeze response. If there isn’t a real threat, and we do not need these protective mechanisms, then we need to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of our nervous system that calms us down. Communication is one of many tools that can be used to do this. Here are some tips for using communication to calm the sympathetic nervous system.
1. Name It!
Name what you are feeling and experiencing by stating what you are feeling in your body.
The language of sensation links the neocortex with the reptilian/limbic area of the brain. This helps you to become congruent in your body and mind. Congruence means that what you are showing on the outside through your words, body language, and actions matches the thoughts, sensations, and feelings you are experiencing on the inside. If the outside does not match or is not congruent with the inside it can leave you and your nervous system feeling dysregulated. One way to establish congruence and regulate your nervous system is to name what you are feeling in the moment out loud. So, the next time someone asks you how you are, think about what a congruent response would be. An example of a congruent response is saying “I feel sad,” instead of “I am fine”.
2. Verbal Sound Expression
Sound is one way to stimulate the Vagus Nerve.
The Vagus Nerve has a profound influence on our parasympathetic nervous system. When stimulated it acts as a reset button to your body and nervous system. Using sounds that are congruent with how we are feeling and expressing them in an environment where we feel safe to do so can be both cathartic and regulating. When you are feeling sad allow yourself to sob or wail, and even exaggerate it. If you are mad find a place to express the sound of anger. Maybe that is into a pillow or in your car with the windows rolled up. If you feel scared let yourself have a freakout - yell, scream, and run around. Exaggeration of these sounds often helps with the full expression of emotions. Remember that emotions do not need to be directed at anyone they just want to be expressed out loud. This expression, instead of repression, helps regulate the nervous system.
3. Communicate Boudaries
Establishing boundaries is one of the ways we can create safety for ourselves.
It is easy to consider ourselves the victim to all the challenges life throws our way - any triggering event, people, or relationship that feels unsafe. We do not have control over what others do but we do have control over how we choose to respond to life and its triggers. Establishing healthy boundaries is one of the productive ways we can respond to life and create safety for ourselves. When we communicate and practice healthy boundaries, we create safety for the parts of us that feel vulnerable. This kind of containment and safety can help regulate a threatened nervous system. For those who are just learning to have boundaries, communicating and enforcing them can be dysregulating at first, and with practice, you will notice more regulation. Finding a therapist to help you through this process can be incredibly helpful. Therapists are highly trained in multiple modalities to help you explore your relationship with boundaries, what your boundaries are, and they can even role-play to help you practice and learn how to communicate with others.
When you are no longer the victim to your life and to others you feel more empowered as a responder to life. This helps the nervous system better regulate and spend less time in the sympathetic or threat response. This also allows you to see conflicts from a less reactionary place and to make healthier decisions for your life. When learning about boundaries think about the phrase: not too loose, not too tight, but somewhere in the middle. Boundaries are also not about changing someone else’s behavior but rather about changing your own. When X happens, I will respond with Y action (or inaction).
4. Talk To Someone/Co-regulation
Co-regulation occurs when one nervous system soothes another.
Communication between two people sends messages of safety and security to the nervous system. Because humans are a social species, our bodies are wired for co-regulation. Based on Porges Poly Vagal Theory, the ventral branch of the vagus nerve controls the parts of the body used to interact with others, otherwise known as our social engagement system. This social engagement can be used to down-regulate or calm the sympathetic nervous system (the fight or flight response) if the social engagement is congruent, has healthy boundaries, and feels safe. In the container of safety, you can co-regulate your nervous systems and down-regulate (think of it as a sort of downshifting). Co-regulation is also practiced in counseling with trained therapists.
Communication is just one of many tools to help you self-soothe and regulate your nervous system. If you are interested in practicing any of the above communication techniques with a therapist or learning more, please contact Evolve in Nature for a free consultation today!