By Lenni Ferren, MA, LPCC
Hearing the words “you have cancer” is a moment so shocking it can feel hard to explain to others, or process for yourself in the moment. Receiving a cancer diagnosis can be a profoundly challenging and life-altering experience. It deeply impacts those who are diagnosed at any stage. Lasting psychological and physical challenges can persist even after treatment is over, and for many years after that. This blog will help you navigate the physical, psychological, interpersonal, and existential struggles that come with a cancer diagnosis, and provide resources to help you navigate your cancer journey.
Emotional Impact
When first diagnosed, disbelief and denial may arise. After experiencing shocking information, it can take some time for your mind and body to fully process what you have heard, the impacts it will have on your life, and the treatments to follow.
Fear and anxiety can include concerns about mortality, waiting for long periods of time after each test determining treatment and outcomes, and the impact on your family, life plans, and finances.
Grief is a healthy part of mentally, emotionally, and physically processing a life-changing diagnosis like cancer. Grieving for the loss of health, former identities, body parts that have been a part of your identity, and needing support from others.
It is healthy to feel anger about the unfairness of it all, especially because you did not choose this for yourself. You may often find yourself bargaining, or thinking “maybe it will go away if I just do all the right things” (including the fear that it will return after treatment).
Sadness and depression occur when you begin to face the reality of how this diagnosis changes your life forever. Denial helps you go as long as possible living your pre-diagnosis life, but can prolong life-saving decisions. It is important to talk about all of this with your oncologist as well as a trained therapist.
Lastly, acceptance is when you have worked through some of the more uncomfortable, painful and challenging emotions associated with a cancer diagnosis. This is when you begin to face what lies ahead of you, including treatments, life changes, and body changes. You might also feel empowered and ready to fight it for yourself and your loved ones. Remember that you do not always have to feel strong to be strong.
Emotional and mental health support can start with counseling and therapy. It is helpful to find someone specialized in oncology. You may also want to join cancer support groups to share experiences and hear from others in similar situations, or reach out to any group you are religiously affiliated with. Practical steps include organizing and delegating care (reach out for support with meals or house cleaning); keeping track of medical records, appointments, and medications; and financial planning (manage insurance and seek financial aid or advice to handle medical expenses). If you are struggling, reach out to your nurse coordinator who will help you access resources like payment plans to minimize stress as you focus on healing.
Physical Impact
Some of the physical symptoms and side effects from treatment can be pain, fatigue, and nausea. You will also experience changes in your appearance, such as hair loss, weight changes, surgical scars and losing parts of your body. People who are not experiencing these things may see them as trivial or vain. THEY ARE NOT. You are mourning your own familiarity, identity, and the pressure that you feel to fit into society. These can all be a catalyst for an existential evaluation of yourself, life and others.
Existential Questions
A cancer diagnosis can be a catalyst for existential evaluation and re-evaluation. You may ask questions about the following:
Self-Image: Coping with changes in physical appearance, abilities, your own familiarity, as well as societal norms and expectations.
Re-evaluating Priorities: Reflecting on what truly matters in life.
Legacy and Contribution: Thinking about the impact you have had on others and the world.
Mortality and Life After Death: Confronting the reality of death and what it means for yourself and loved ones.
Spirituality and Beliefs: Exploring or reaffirming spiritual beliefs or philosophies about life and death.
Adaptation and Resilience: Finding new ways to live and find joy despite the impact and/or setbacks of treatment and diagnosis.
Social Impact
A cancer diagnosis can change relationships. It can strengthen trust and intimacy in some, while causing strain in others. Remind yourself that when someone does not show up (or even “cancer ghosts” you), it has nothing to do with your lovability or worthiness of care. It has everything to do with the capacity at which people can tolerate their own feelings and responsibilities that come with a loved one’s diagnosis. Lean on the people in your life who have the capacity to show up for you. And remember no one can do this for you, but you can’t hold all of it alone either. Try to find the right balance between doing the hard things that only you can do, and reaching out for support when you can’t do it alone. Having a therapist who you trust and feel good talking to can also create a safe space to unload and process (with a non-family member or friend).
Make sure you have a strong team to support you. Meet and ask questions with your providers to make sure it is a good fit. Consultations and second opinions can ensure the best treatment plan for you. Advocate for yourself and come prepared with your questions and concerns. Understand your treatment options. Learning about surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and new available treatments will help you with anticipatory anxiety, confusion, and decision paralysis.
Supporting Yourself and Loved Ones
Communication is key. Keep an open dialogue with loved ones by sharing feelings and fears. This will help you feel and lean on your support system. Try to practice honesty with boundaries, by being open about your needs and limitations while maintaining privacy when needed. Remember you do not owe anyone an explanation or information, unless they are someone you trust. Accept and allow your loved one’s support, even if it feels hard or new.
Lifestyle changes
Adapting to change, flexibility and sitting in the unknown are important skills to learn and practice. You will also want to explore your relationship with self-care. Maybe you struggle with giving and/or receiving... Educating yourself, asking questions, and advocating for what you want and need will help you feel more empowered in your appointments and decision-making.
Having a therapist when diagnosed with cancer (or supporting a loved one diagnosed with cancer) is crucial for many reasons. A cancer diagnosis and treatment involve not only physical challenges, but also emotional and existential struggles. With a therapist to guide and support you, you can find deeper meaning and purpose to your cancer journey.
If you are struggling with your own cancer journey, or that of a loved one, please reach out to our amazing therapists at Evolve in Nature to support you.